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Happy Canada Day!

Spent a LOT of time with family.  Yay.  The kids were awesome as usual.  They are each of them beautiful characters and they make me happy.  The adults on the other hand …

  

birthday girl

Happy Birthday to me..happy birthday to me 

Happy birthday to meeeeeee…. you know the rest.

Trente-Quatre

Thirty-Four

Definitely not as cool as thirty-three. 

Dinner with the brother and his family - started out sour…I think he tries to drive me crazy on purpose.  But it all ended nicely.  We dropped by F’s house and she surprised me with a little cake.  I came upstairs and she had suck some candles in it.  It was so sweet of them.  The kids all asked me how old I was and I told them 29.  “Oh aunty…you look good, I thought you were 26!”, they said.  I love those kids.

 

 

 

Weekend Notes

Today was a beautiful day - it went up to 32 degrees but with the humidity it felt like 42 at times.  I spent the day in F’s backyard enjoying the heat and the sun.  Her backyard is perfect - private and full of trees and flowers.  Space for thinking and dreaming. 

I finally took care of my tooth Friday.  It was literally driving me up the wall.  Between the first two dentists giving me different opinions and then having to go see this specialist I was ready to deal with it on my own - just pass the pliers…  I was in so much pain because the tooth was broken and chipping into my gum and it was just a big mess- now I have to fork over 2400 dollars to fix it.  I don’t know how much my insurance is going to cover - apparently for what I need they don’t have great coverage for.  So I spent the weekend recovering from my mouth trauma.

Saf is coming back on Saturday inshaAllah.  I can’t wait!  Time is a funny thing.  It passes so quickly but at the same time it creates all this space and distance.  It feels like the year flew by but it also feels like she’s been gone forever.

I’m off work till Thursday so I get to spend my time cleaning up and getting her room ready - I still haven’t decided what to do with the bike or the tv I stored in there.  If I had my way I’d toss the tv or give it away - anything I want to watch I get from the internet anyways.  Although I have to admit I miss my home reno shows and my animal shows.  The other day I was at D’s and I watched a program on snow leopards that live in the Himalayas, near Chiteral, Pakistan.  The beauty of that area was just astounding.  The winter months bring snowfalls that cover everything and turn it into a wonderland - reminding me of a winter scene in the book The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe - you almost expect to see the White Witch poking her head out. The mountains have a wild quality to them, completely untamed and unconquerable.

Tonight at dinner we celebrated D’s triumphant return from her 60km walk this weekend.  She joined the End Breast Cancer walk this year.  I am so proud of her - she walked both days this weekend, 36km Saturday and the rest today.  What an accomplishment - she was almost delirious with fatigue and heat stroke but managed to come over for some barbecue.  She actually wasn’t as busted up as I expected - she has a big blister on one foot and she ached all over but over all she was a superstar.  The team managed to raise over 21,000$ too!  

The fans are going, the air is heavy and I’m sticking to the couch but I love it.  I’m hoping for a good summer…lots of sunshine, the smell of trees and flowers, fresh food and surrounded by love.

 

Here are clips from an interview done with the Snow Leopard documentary producer Nisar Malik.  Check out the scenery in the first two pics…and of coure marvel at the beauty of the main attraction

  http://animal.discovery.com/fansites/wildkingdom/snow-leopard/photos/interview2.html

http://animal.discovery.com/fansites/wildkingdom/snow-leopard/photos/interview5.html

 

I am feeling much better these days.  Some sleep helped.  I was actually a little bit of a hot mess, shuffling around in my bathrobe with my fluffy socks on…eating Chunky Monkey ice cream. I am still a little stuffed up but I’m pretty much back to normal.  Work was rough this week too - a lot of chaos and an inordinate amount of people who seemed to be the spawn of closely related relatives.  Not good.

I’m off now till Tuesday which is nice - I want to try and get the apartment in order for when Saf comes home.  I have to figure out where to put my bike now that she will be wanting her room back.  I guess I should clean the house too although it seems like a cruel cosmic joke that I have to work full time and clean the damn house.  I can do one or the other but not both.  Actually I can only do one.  Guess which one it is?

The Bouchard-Taylor commission released their report on the hijab and its impact on Quebec society.  I was pretty impressed-  According to the report, the apprehension felt towards non-Christian cultures and religions can be overcome by dialogue and interaction.  Also the government has the responsibility to have proper policies and programs in place to implement the recomendations the report makes.

 I wonder what sort of impact it will have.  Quebec is kind of a strange place - in some ways it can be very liberal and progressive and in other ways it is still a very bigoted place.  I love going  back to Montreal but I don’t know if i could ever move back.  The vibe you get wearing hijab is very different there than where I live now.  The hijab is so common here it can be a little irritating.  The other day I was at that grocery store and some little chit working the cash says to me ” I can see your hair just so you know”.  I was like “yes well that’s as good as it’s getting at 9h30 pm after 12 hour shift.”  The guy at Starbucks said the same thing to me too the other day - He actually leaned over and was going to tuck whatever was flying out back in.  You know people are used to when non- Muslims are giving you crap for not covering up enough.  But seriously, Alhumdulillah we have it pretty good here compared to other cities - I’ve never had a problem finding work or interacting with people.  I’ve been very blessed.

Here is a link to the report in case anyone is interested.

 

I’m sick - the battle of the pollen has begun and I’ve lost the first round.  I’m determined to win the war although I may have to resort to wearing a gas mask.

 

Today the sun was shining and despite the fact that the dental hygienist mangled my mouth, I had a wonderful day.  When the sun is shining everything is better and I can eat as much ice cream I want and not gain a pound. 

I have been buying books like crazy these days and it’s getting a little out of hand so I decided no more until I am finished what I have already.  And I am only going to read two books at once.  I need to set limits for myself or I get wild.

Centering myself has been a chore lately.  I find myself affected by negativity and I get discouraged.  Some people can wade in and give as good as they get but I tend withdraw and shut myself off.  Not a good strategy as eventually you have to come out and rejoin the game whether you like it or not.  I just get so tired of everyone thinking that the world is there own personal stage.  Work is exhausting too- I am completely surrounded by people who have no idea they are bigots.  Every day I have to decide what to speak up against and what to let go. 

But when I leave and the sun is out and I just got my hair did and I scored the first of the spring asparagus I feel better.

I found this on youtube….beautiful Bach being interpreted

 

 

Teach me to dream with eyes closed and heart wide open.

 

 

 

Talking today to a friend of mine who works at a clinic that performs abortions, she asked me a question that had me step back and consider some things.  “What’s up with all the Muslim women getting abortions? I wish you could be here and see how many come in - you would be shocked.”  The ages of the women vary - from teens to married women in their 40’s.  I was a little surprised to hear her ask that question because I had never really considered it to be a big enough issue for someone who wasn’t Muslim to notice.  But then in this city there are enough Muslims hanging around for the larger community to know at least some of the basic rules and regulations of behaviour.  Although there are so many Muslim guys partying that many people are suprised to hear we are not supposed to be drinking alcohol.

I think the focus for many years has been solely on the men in the community - the drinking, the drugs, the sleeping around and the women have largely been ignored (aside from the ‘does she or doesn’t she wear hijab’ drama). 

 I know people like to focus on the fact that some girls are pressured into wearing hijab by bullying parents, and I don’t want to detract from that issue, but there are many, many young women out there who wear hijab because they choose to.  That being said, it does not follow that they will always be content with this decision.  Wearing hijab can be a daily struggle for many women, a good old fashioned love/hate relationship.

This ignoring of the women has I feel, much to do with our assumption that the wearing of the hijab promises that a) that woman is a ‘good girl’ and b) that woman is now beyond those temptations that befall men routinely.  Women are not taken seriously as sexual beings, I have never heard anyone addressing women on how to maintain their chastity (although it has been repeated ad nauseum that keeping ourselves at home makes the world a happier place) .  Men are always cautioned or advised on how to deal with school and workplace situations, yet the same is not done for women.   Men are advised on how to control their sexual urges, the diffferent opinions on masturbation are presented, the merits of fasting are given, all from male points of views yet women are rarely, if ever included in these conversations.  So while men’s sexuality has been acknowledged and adressed, their women have been left struggling to find their own way.  This plays itself out negatively when we find women struggling with their personal demons - trying to remain practicing and faithful to their deen yet dealing with the temptations that are natural to both genders.

A friend of mine speculated that perhaps it was a lack of education that was landing these girls in the queue for abortions - I find it hard to believe but I know that there are still some girls out there that think you can’t get pregnant the first time, or a hot bath or something as silly will protect you.  I think there is also the bigger psychological issue at play with these young women.  To use contraception is to admit that you are sexually active, and that it is not ‘just this once’, but a regular occurence.  This can be quite difficult to come to terms with.  For a Muslim girl who is struggling with her iman, the same way the opposite gender does, the price to pay can be much higher.  If they end up pregnant what else can they do but get an abortion?  The thought of becoming an unwed mother is so impossible - it is not even an option to consider for most.

I have also known older, married women who have gotten abortions because they felt they had no other recourse.  Either their husbands would not let them use contraception, or they simply could not fathom  handling a sixth child, or they were getting divorced…everyone has reasons that I am not going to begin to judge.

The ironic thing is I have heard very few Muslim women champion a woman’s right to choice - quite the opppsite in fact.  Disliking abortion from a moral/spiritual standpoint is of course natural for people of faith, no doubt.  But focusing on this right to choice debate only serves to remove us from the actual issues at hand.  

Not a happy topic but at the end of the day we are only responsible for ourselves really - we can only do our best to support each other and to help each other through this life.  I can only pray that I am never tested in this way

On a happier note Sarah McLachlan is releasing a new CD and I am woohoo!! about it…   Here is her song Ordinary Miracle.  So release all your negative vibes for a moment and think of all those ordinary blessings that occur each day…countless, each one more wonderful than the last.  And the best is that Allah is Most Merciful. 

 

Stalemate

So apparently I am bitter.  Not only am I bitter but I am bitter and jaded.  Woooo…..them is fightin’ words.  So to get a little context here -  a friend of mine recently had a discussion with some guys about their search for the perfect girl.  These guys are in their thirties but seem to gravitate towards women who are younger than them.  When this was pointed out to them, they told her that they stay away from women who are the same age as them because women in their thirties are too bitter and jaded.

I don’t know why I should be surprised - there had to be a reason so many guys list 19-25 as there preferred ages no matter how old they themselves are.  And I thought it was that they wanted someone they could mold, and feel superior to.  Instead all along it’s been our fault that once we hit thirty we’re past our prime according to muslim male standards.

Well…I told my friend that us women have some steretyoes too.  The most prevalent one among my friends is that if a guy is single and still claims to be a virgin after thirty he’s on the downlow or impotent. 

I guess that leaves us at a stalemate eh?

The sad part of this is that there are a lot of girls who are looking outside of the muslim male population because of these types of attitudes, among other issues.  Muslim men have always known they have the option of marrying outside without raising too many eyebrows, but don’t worry we’re catching up.   

Women in their thirties, at least the women I know are far from bitter - they are vibrant, beautiful and full of joy.  Men in their thirties…well I guess they could have fasted a lot….?

Spring is here

The weather has finally turned and spring is in the air.  I spent the day out yesterday walking downtown and finding little park benches to sit on and enjoy the sun and a good book.  the city definitely comes alive in the summer - yesterday there were tons of people out on the paths jogging and walking their dogs.  I wish I had a dog sometimes…but then I remember that you still have to walk them when it’s -40 outside.  Maybe I’ll stick with fish.  A beta fish that swims round and round in a tiny bowl and doesn’t really require much aside from some food every couple of days.  A sign that I can’t handle too much commitment.  Tonight I went out walking again - I think we did 2km.  So much fun…and useful.  2km should be enough to burn off cake right?

Today I painted for the first time in a year too.  It felt good to go at it again.  I feel like my creative juices are running again after a long time.  Part of spring arriving is the restlessness that comes with it.  I always feel this way at this time of year.  Maybe it’s because everything seems to be in a state of renewal, including me.

Maybe I can finally convince someone to go camping with me this year.  D invited me last year to go with him and some friends but he is a boy and I was like what are you nuts?  Do you want me to get run out of town by my people? 

Randoms:

I miss the little ones - especially this little face…

I’ve been watching a good number of British movies lately - catch The Baker if you can.  It’s worth it.

I’m reading The Heart is a Lonely Hunter (I didn’t realize the church of Oprah had chosen it too, which is a good thing because I probably would have avoided it) and Sugar: A bitterweet history.  The first I am enjoying so far, the second is okay - the subject matter is interesting but it’s not very well written. 

And I am going to see if I can score this from the library at school - I don’t know if my passwords are still working.  It looks really interesting.